Why I do what I do not love: A response to self

As a student of the humanities trapped in the life of a business major, I find myself regularly frustrated by feelings of disaffection. It was during a particularly intense stretch of final examinations that my mind began burning in silent furry. I was physically and mentally exhausted but above all I laid on the brink of psychological defeat. I could no longer study. There, in the library, I would scribble down an impassioned sort of personal constitution. A justification of my choices and declaration of intent. After the half hour spent in composition of this piece, I found myself refreshed. Ready again the dive into tedium of indifference curves and balance sheets...

Because the universe is an organic whole

That I crave to know

Lest the Dionysian forget the Apollonian’s truth

Life cannot be splintered; Knowledge is one

The discipline of disciplines is sublime

And I cannot take what is not mine

So while I may not see, I might still know

If I forge on through I can still hope to grow

I must conquer the depths, beholden to the heights

For my hopeful days, I accept muddled nights

I am you and you are me

But I can still look upon you condescendingly

That which I do love is dependent on you

As the predator to his prey, so must I keep you

So I do what I do not love

And I fasten my eyes to the sky above

That it might one day take hold

And I might be both wise and old

Moirae

On occasion of the Jewish holiday of Purim I revisit the tale through the prism of the my own perspective and the message that reveals itself to me...

The platitudinous sun rises and birds chirp

The grumbling of gears deafen man’s usurp

The feet carry on while the lungs sigh

Lost in meaninglessness the days blur by

Culture refined to rhythmic irrelevance

A scattered range of utter happenstance

Misplaced consciousness in a world undue

One plus one equals blue

In fear of futility we frantically run in place

Destined for nowhere and nothing in our endless race

We look for progress as if toward some culminate state

Each step seems to bring doom closer as he lay in wait

Reduced to vacuous being in a vacant life

Effervescently the people grow in strife

Time continues and events unfold

Cataclysm stayed by cause untold

Little by little momentum reversed

Survival as it happens merits durst

Such winds all the while unbeknown

The play pushes on in relentless tone

Motions become intelligent as resolve mounts

The saboteurs’ scheme unravels as he miscounts

Tomorrow’s fate perhaps not as yesterday foreshowed

The sight of life’s promise flickers in the mind’s abode

Still silently the pieces fall into place

As if orchestrated by some amazing grace

Suddenly the great decree rings loud and true

With tipping point reached ונהפוך הוא 

Unified in vision and state good prevails

Celebration ensues to mark our travails

Charged with the spread of fun, love and care

Each year we revisit the relief born of despair

In retrospect reality and percept don’t equate

Life may seem vapid but is in truth great

Though in the present direction eludes

All things considered meaning exudes