Am I Leaking?

At the end of a month filled with pure exhaustion, I found myself remembering things that used to make me feel better. Unfortunately, like many people have experienced, the most steady source of reassurance and comfort that I had walked away years ago. Painful as it was, in my state of obtundation, my mind took me back to a time when that wonderful fountain of streaming happiness would have been there  - to bundle me in safety. Upon realizing in the moment that those arms would never wrap around me protectively again; I began to weep. These words are the best I can do - to explain myself. 

weeping draining - leaking
Somehow the body knows to weep
when slashed, with blood;
lymph; cushions blistering burns.
The newborn, instictive, cries for nourishment.
So much nourishment. Again the body weeps -
weeps to soothe, to feed.

yet
Logic explains the loss
of blood for defects, of fluids for destruction
of tears for hunger.

How how can this
a symptom with no physicality
no marking, no measurable existance -
lead to weeping - weeping and only weeping

Like silk on satin
the warm salty ribbon slips
and pools, calmly soaking the pillow, clenched.
the burn of acid -
creeping outward, from the knots tangled
seems imaginary - with no source - how can it be?

the cramping of muscles
not from accumulation of toxin
just from. From nowhere.
The pain, it cannot be drawn. Photographed.
It cannot be measured, or concentrated. Broken down into particles.

But this tearing, gnawing, desperate pain -
is still here.
the body weeps. dripping tears, oozing loss of energy.
from a wound impossible to find.
Impossible to fix. No suturing will seal it.
No gauze can stem this surge of inexorable ache.

This - feeling -
can only be known by one, though
that had before only elation
scintillating joy and satiety.
The comfort of being cacooned
by love.

Like a glass figure
flawless - sparkling, flowing.
glistening, surreal, fragile

so easily shattered and crushed.
From anger
from carelessness
from angst
from apathy.

Filigree in pieces -
ground into sand
irreplaceable, and irreperable.

So the memories cling -
and knowing the absence of what was once,
completion ,
the body weeps for its loss.